Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
