I accidentally had phone sex last night
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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