Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
