my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
