Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
