You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
