I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
