His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize