My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
