Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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