new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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