I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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