Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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