why didn't you poke me back
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
