I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
you had me at cake vodka
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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