margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
