she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
