I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
