Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
