I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
