need another drink. this is the easiest way
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
