I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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