He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
