Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
