I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
