ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
