Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
