He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
