they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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