Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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