I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
