your thong is hanging out like whoa
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
