I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
