i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
