They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
