Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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