I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize