Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
