That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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