my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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