He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
