We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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