I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize