woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Every concussion has its silver lining
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
