Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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