I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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