Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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