I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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