So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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