i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
