I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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