you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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