My sheets look like a crime scene.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
