i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Terrible idea I love it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
