When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Is Oprah even human
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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