well you can't waste a boner
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize