Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
All I want is dick and wine.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
