i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
