Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize