There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
