then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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