I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
