Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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