i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
