dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
