Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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