i don't like sucking hair
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
