Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
