just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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