All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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