she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
