Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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