im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
