She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
