Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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