Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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