Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
