just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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