eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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