Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize