And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
