pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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