So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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