i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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