You made me cry and you don't even care
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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