He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
