dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
