Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
