Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
