I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
