Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
that is very illegal...i love you.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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