she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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