Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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