I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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