just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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